Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
