Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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