Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
