Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
