puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
