I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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