mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
