I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
