I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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