Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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