i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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