Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Holy sore nipples Batman
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
