Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
