So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
