Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
