pop tarts are not kleenex
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have tasted many bathrooms
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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