I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
