come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
