Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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