I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
