Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
