I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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