The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
