kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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