you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
