so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
