My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Actions speak louder than pants.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
