OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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