Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
