im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
