if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just want to make out with him forever
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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