i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
