I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Randomize
