I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
