Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
