dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i think im in europe. pls send help
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
