Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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