It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
