Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
