the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
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