So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I am one with the molecules
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
