If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
