I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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