I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
