four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
