At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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