Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
