Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We just shotgunned beers for America
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
