Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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