Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
ok first of all what the fuck
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
