My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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