What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
